So.... I had fun the last two days. I rode Liz's horses yesterday and jumped them both. I had fun! They are both really nice horses. And then today I had a lesson at High Point and rode Lucky, a very cute sweet TB. And... I'm thinking about finding something to lease or find myself a project pony. And I know it's not a bad idea... but I just can't help feeling like I"m cheating on Fleck... or letting him down.. or giving up....
I mean... I KNOW that he needs time off and if I push him too soon, I'll only make him worse. I know that I like to have goals and work towards things and I'm competitive enough that I just might push him too fast. And that he's generous and giving enough that he will do it.. because I want him to. And that realistically with arthritis in the knee, especially the middle joint, the chance of him making a full comeback are slim. And by leasing or riding another horse I'll take the pressure off, learn something in the meantime that will help me with him, and Danny...
BUT.....
I still can't help but feel that I'm giving up on him... or letting him down somehow. And I think he knows. He seriously was pouting today! And I didn't even tell him I rode another horse. He just knew.... It's breaking my heart....
I just don't know what to do....
Just stick with him and only him...whether that means putting my competitiveness on hold for a year or two... and having fun with him on the trails. I can always take lessons on other horses and still learn and such. And save money by not showing.
Find a lease horse or project horse to take some of the pressure off.... but then that opens up a whole other can of worms.... I'd either have to pay to board said horse (which would probably be better for Fleck) or worry about him beating up the new horse.. or have to have to separate herds.. which makes it hard for pasture maintenance...
Argh.... I miss it... I do. Quite honestly, I miss jumping and showing... And poor Danny can only do so much! The FEH stuff is fun, but still..... But I mostly just miss Fleck...jumping Fleck... showing Fleck... hanging out with him and meeting people with him. Even at the vet clinic doing his laser, clients come up and say hi to him and ask to pet him. Or talk about their appies...
I don't know... I'm just so confused and torn right now. And don't get me wrong... I'm oh so grateful and thank God every night that I still have him. Regardless of what he can or can't do in the future.... as long as he's here to be my buddy.. that's enough. But I can't help it if I want to eat my cake too.
No comments:
Post a Comment