More homework...

Only this is a little bit more mental I think. 

Today was a good day... with some bad parts. We started with Dunkin Donuts :) We got tacked up and it was nice to be able to put studs in again. We warmed up on the flat and focused on yesterdays lessons. It took a few minutes, but I was able to recreate it with only a little bit of prodding. We warmed up over stadium fences before heading out to XC. To get started, Julie wanted me to circle and then jump a jump landing on the left lead. She was explaining the easiest way to do that and helping me make it black and white. Eventually, I can make it gray, but for now.. while I'm making sure it happens... it needs to be black and white. So I need to exaggerate it a little for now and then we can finesse it. Anyways, to land on the left lead, I need to put my left leg at the girth, my right leg and hip behind, my right shoulder behind/back, and I need to almost come at it left to right. All this opens the left door more than the right, inviting Fleck to land on the left lead. And as it dawned on me... since Fleck tends to drift left... he's essentially closing the door to the left lead, hence him almost always landing on the right lead. In a way, I had to think about it like we were jumping on an arc - left bend (only no bend... straight, but jumping left to right) and then landing left. BUT... I can't think of it as on a circle and continue the circle upon landing because what if I have to make a nice slightly bent line to another fence? If I land on a circle and continue on that circle, then I can't make that jump. So yep.. practice, practice, practice. Only over low fences so that I can practice without punishing Fleck. 

Then we continued on and did a little course. It was some bendy lines, some rollbacks, up and down the bank, then we were supposed to go to a lincoln log skinny thing. Well... we came up the hill and I knew it wasn't happening. I lost Fleck's shoulder. And I knew it... like 10 strides back. PLENTY of time to fix it.... but I didn't... We just pulled up to a stop in front of it. Sigh..... So then we went back to our flatwork.. while jumping. Get him inside leg to outside rein. And he was then straight and jumped it BEAUTIFULLY!!! Argh.... so frustrating...why can't I just ride right from the get go? So, then we moved on to the cross country course. 

We went to the water first. Julie had me and Fleck do the drop into the water and out over the cabin one stride out, then circle and do the drop again and on to the ladybugs (training line), then circle around and head down a sloped hill to the watermelon doghouse. We did the water jumps great. Then... I lost my flatwork... We came down the sloped hill to the watermelon and the terrain just sucked Fleck's shoulder down with it. I knew it... again, about 10 strides back. But I just couldn't fix it. At least this time, Julie could see my trying... I was just doing it wrong. I was trying by using my hands instead of using my leg. Argh... So, I circled, got him engaged and connected again and... of course, he jumped it beautifully. Are you noticing the theme here? Yeah... So then we went on and jumped the ditch, then headed up the path to the prelim coffin line. He jumped the roll top like a boss! And then we came around the turn, on the wrong lead, got a little unbalanced, but I tried to sit down and ride... went down the hill to the big roll top to ditch... and came to a halt. Really?!?! Exactly what I was hoping to NOT do. So I circled and came again.... nice halt in front of it. I think I was taking my leg off at the last stride... So then we tried again and came to a nice beautiful halt. Freakin' eliminated.... if it was real life. Dammit man.... What was  I doing wrong!!??? Julie to the rescue... I wasn't riding OVER the fence....I was quitting at the last stride, not looking past my fence and over it. So I tried again and we got over it. I made a big fuss and then we went on to the water. He nailed it!! He is a rockstar in that water! It's a big airy triple log, to the drop into the water, then a bendy line out of the water to a skinny triple log. Then we had a long gallop to a fairly intimidating hanging log. I think it was intimidating because it was along the fence line, so.. it sorta pulled you away from your line. And it was fairly upright. So we headed to it and I felt like he was on it.. then three strides out he propped and tipped me up on his shoulders and of course then he wasn't in front of my leg so we stopped. Really?? Argh. I'm beginning to feel defeated. So we tried again and this time we got it. Julie explained that he was so haunches in going to it that it was obvious he couldn't jump it. So then it was Karens turn and the plan was to then head to the banks. Only I was upset. I told Julie that I KNEW it was all me.. and Fleck had no issues when I was correct, but I had a mental block about the downhill fences and I didn't want to have another stop at that fence. So... she said, lets do it again and we'll skip the banks today. So I did it again... We went over the ditch, down the path, over the roll top again beautifully.. and another FRIGGIN STOP at the damn rolltop. Sigh... Julie said I rode him to a lovely halt. I asked him to halt and he obliged. RIDE THE FLATWORK... connection, keep my butt in the saddle, and close my leg, and give him a smack two strides out, so... another attempt and this time I thought we had it, but Fleck stopped. That time... was him. I rode right, and had I ridden like that the first time, we would have been fine. But because I had taken so much out of the bank the first four or five times... Fleck didn't think I was serious. So I tried again... and rode right.. and this time, success!!! I just needed to keep my butt in the saddle so that I was supporting him and secure and could ride. So we carried on, nailed the water again (this time in the more forward stride counts) and then I rode the hell out of that shoulder in all the way to the logs and NAILED IT!!! It was BEAUTIFUL. If only every jump... could be that jump. And I was quite pleased with the shoulder in at the canter too. Muhuahua!!! Yeah baby!!! So then we quit with that.... 

So... there were some REALLY good jumps.. and some really good work... but man... the problems are still there and really stressing me out. I just get so frustrated. I don't know why I can't just let it go... chill out... ride properly... Julie said that she didn't see ANY signs of knee pain.. it was all me. Ha!! Yeah... I know. But that was nice to hear that Fleck looked good. Even Karen, who owned him the first 7 years of his life and has an interest in his comfort, said she didn't see any indication of pain. So yay... and I'm glad that I'm concerned about him but frustrated that I'm letting it rattle me. And maybe it's not that I'm afraid he is painful so much as I'm riding him like he's painful and when he's painful and he can't see the landing he can't figure out how to compensate so he stops... But no.. he stops because I stop riding or ride like crap. At least today... he stopped because of me. He's a prelim horse... I'm just not a prelim rider. Not yet... 

So... still a bit frustrated and sad. Julie basically said it's all there... I just have to remember to do it and ride my flat work.. get him connected... ride my flatwork...  

So... homework. I'll try to get over it and move on and remember all the things that fix it... and do it. 

But there's the nagging thought of... I can't do prelim in 4 weeks..... but if I don't... can I ever? What if he's not sound in the spring? I feel this rush... I want to prove that we're both capable and not just of getting through it... getting through it clean and without terrifying people. And I know we both can... but I have to ride properly... Sigh.. so we'll see. I'll work on my homework and see where we're at for Chatt Hills (which is training level... getting back in the game). If it goes beautifully.... then we'll decide. If it doesn't... then it's pretty darn obvious that we won't do Prelim at JB. 

I just want to the world to see how amazing the spotted beast is..... Cause he is... he's phenomenal!

But you know... despite the above... I'm just so glad to be riding the boy again and jumping again. We had fun today... and when it was good.. it was OHHHH So GOOD!!! Man those two amazing jumps today and every time through the water... SOOOOOO MUCH FUN!!!!