Dressage... and tears... (happy tears!)

So.... today I had a lesson with Cindy and rode in the Perfection saddle. I was worried it was going to be too narrow, but he really felt good in it. We had a good ride. He was trying hard and I was trying hard and we got some good work. I do need to remember to open my left rein (and NOT cross the neck) when half passing left. He felt pretty sproingy. So... tonight Cindy A. came over and fitted him again and now... I'm trying to decide which saddle to go with. Sigh... Such a huge decision... such an expensive decision...

But tonight... after cleaning, I was on COTH and reading... and read something which hit home. It was a poor girl who was having a bad time showing her horse. He was being naughty in the dressage ring and she was so frustrated with him and showing. And everyone gave her good advice, but then someone mentioned that perhaps she needed to get back to being in love with her horse. And that hit home... Not necessarily tonight.... a few days ago. It didn't hit me square in the face.. but sorta snuck in and creeped into my consiousness. Perhaps when I decided to call an animal communicator... I didn't want to hear the AC say that he didn't love me, or he knew I was mad at him. I wanted to be his best friend again. And sadly... I kinda wasn't lately. I put my goals and ambitions in front of our relationship. He's my best friend... my heart and soul (aside from my most wonderful loving husband!) and my pride and joy. And here I was... mad at him. For some stupid reason... that he wasn't cooperating with my plans. Really?? Cause he's a horse... and he really has no clue that I wanted to show the world that he WAS a prelim horse! And why?? WHY does it really matter if he can run prelim? Because people said he couldn't? So.... who cares!? Except, I kinda do/did. I wanted to prove them wrong.. because he's awesome... and amazing.....and an incredible jumper and brave and honest and all those wonderful reasons why I love him. I want the world to see that about him and love him too. But it doesn't mean that he has to run prelim. Yet.. if I'm being honest... I still want to do it. It's fun... when I'm not terrified or about to vomit my guts out. And I still want to reach that goal. Yes, I'd even still like to do a one star. But at least now... (and I hope I remember this later!), I feel like I can be a bit more relaxed about it. If we don't ever get back to prelim... well, he did finish A PRELIM with NO XC penalties other than time. And that was because we got stuck behind the one horse. So HE IS A PRELIM HORSE!!!  He is *A* prelim horse... he may not be a more than one prelim horse.. but he is a prelim horse! And really, he should get credit for the other event we finished even though we had two stops.. because those stops were all my fault. So... I proved it... Why am I stressing about it still?? Because I'm as obstinate as he is. ;) Only, really, he's not that obstinate...

So anyways... point is... I'm back to loving him. And I think he knows it. He might still be holding a little grudge, but he's coming around. And we're back to having fun again. Real fun... like happy in our hearts and souls fun again because we're a team again. And I hope he fully forgives me... and that he forgives me again when I backslide because I get caught up in the quest to become a prelim team again. I am not stupid enough to know that it isn't a possibility again. And I'm not too proud to admit that even now... I'm still digging my toes in the dirt about running training at the next event... instead of P/T. I swear... there's something wrong with me....

But at least my pony loves me again :)