Day 6....

Dear Diary... it has been a rough 6 days.. I'm not sure if I will survive another week... Morale is down... 
 
Hee hee... Teasing, but it has been HARD! Tuesday wasn't too bad because I was driving around all day doing work stuff so it was frustrating that I didn't get to ride, but at least I didn't really miss out on riding Fleck. Then Wed Peri and I went to Full Gallop to jump judge. So I couldn't have ridden then anyways. (more on that later.....). Then Thursday I rode Dan, after ANOTHER Flat tire.. Sigh. So Peri came to pick us up and poor Fleck came cantering up to the gate and then was cantering around briefly before heading back to Roany. Riding Dan was nice but I was really starting to miss Fleck. He's... home! He's like your favorite pair of jeans that just fits perfectly. Then Friday I had a lesson with Cindy and had to leave Fleck at home. He was upset too and was cantering in the pasture neighing. Ugh...it made me so sad. Although I think he was more sad that Danny was leaving than he was sad that *I* was leaving. ;) Saturday was Kristin's baby shower so I didn't have time to ride anyways. And then Sunday I had my lesson with Kelly Eaton and Danny, which was a blast. But I missed jumping Flecky. Sigh..

So I came back and spent some snuggle time with him. I lasered his right hock, right stifle, both knees and his butt. And he got some good scratches. So that helped me feel better. :) 

 So..... not to bring this post down, but... Full Gallop... well, it was awful. Jump judging was fun and it was great to hang out with Peri, but... we got through the majority of the prelim horses and suddenly we heard a really loud thunk. And then "rider down, horse down" on the radios. It got super quiet and we all sat waiting to hear more. We were up on the bank complex and the horse and rider fell down in the mare pasture by the sunken road, so luckily, we couldn't see anything. The next thing we heard was "rider okay and out from under horse... horse not moving, vet doing what she can".... Oh no.... It was awful! There was a long 30 minute hold and it was deathly quiet. And then we saw the bobcat head that way and someone grabbed ropes from the back of the truck. My stomach turned... I knew what that meant. That poor girl... that poor horse. She ended up with a broken femur I think. They took her out in the ambulance and then behind her... they moved her horse out... under a tarp, on the flatbed. I can't even imagine....  Just...... ......

There are no words..... I just kept picturing that being Fleck.. and I don't think telling myself that he died doing what he loved would help me. I started to think that perhaps this was God's way of telling me to "Let it go"! With the "it's never enough" church sermon, the broken butt muscle and having to not plan on Sporting Days and then Stable View and Pine top, and then seeing this poor girl lose her horse... maybe I should listen.

It turns out that they believe the horse died of a heart attack or aneurism just before he hit the fence, not as a direct result of the fence. Which.. maybe makes it a bit better... I don't know. I mean, I know they can do things in the pasture. Or to each other. Or in the trailer... But man...

So yeah.. rough day.... I came home and just held him... and didn't let him go for a long time...
Love this guy