Sad but silly ride

Sigh... so after my Kathryn ride I was feeling a bit defeated. And then, I had the grid lesson with Beth on Dan. And that depressed me more. So I got on Fleck bareback and took to the woods. For a good cry. I was crying for Fleck, I was crying for Dan, and I was crying for me. I couldn't help it. I just... was in a bad place mentally. And I know... it could be worse. Blah blah. That just made me feel worse about it and set me off crying more.

But... bless Fleck. He was rarin' to go. It was so hot and humid yet he was a bouncy boy. We did a good bit of walking and he was on a mission. We got to the path that sneaks up on the halfshire gallop field and I decided to let him have a little gallop. So right as we hit the clearing, I let him go. Only right as we hit the clearing there was a deer on the path. Fleck slowed but didn't stop and then did a veer off to the right. While still cantering. Which was fine and dandy. But then the deer fled and so did Fleck. He went off on a porpoising spree. Which was fine. At first. But then the half pad on top of the bareback pad (because yes, Fleck is that bony) had slid up and back. And after a few bucks, I was losing my seat. So I'm half giggling, half crying and then half yelling at Fleck to cool it so I don't fall off. He settled and we continued in a regular canter. Goof! But he did help me feel better.

 We finished up at the lake with a quick splash and headed in. And then.. I ruined the day again. Sigh... I swear, Beth must think I'm the worst person on the planet. I asked her to look at Fleck to see if he felt funky. She was ready to leave so we were in the parking lot area (it's grass, not gravel, but slick apparently) so I trotted and she said he looked great. Then I asked for the right lead canter and he kept swapping to the left. I was getting frustrated and already mad at the world (remember I said I was in a Mood!) and sad and I got mad at Fleck. Sigh. Of course it was in front of Beth. I wasn't horrible or abusive. But I was mad at him. She said she just thought it was him trying to balance in the footing and it was fine. So I burst into tears again after she left because now not only am I sad but I'm a horrible horrible mother too. :( We went to the arena with decent footing and of course he cantered to the right beautifully.

 I'm so sorry Flecky... I hate when I do that. :(